tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35760848363261330752024-03-13T22:43:56.873-04:00eaten by goatsthe dreams of someone you don't knowLCEhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06888569365725558511noreply@blogger.comBlogger67125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3576084836326133075.post-74939663975509948502011-08-08T22:56:00.000-04:002011-08-08T22:56:54.739-04:00i was walking on a beach. the water was light blue and it was very sunny, but not hot. a woman in a hoop skirt was rolling around in the sand. she said that i had to meet baudelaire's niece because she was a really cool person.LCEhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06888569365725558511noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3576084836326133075.post-38259990016395531602009-05-16T12:03:00.002-04:002009-05-16T12:08:17.744-04:00i went on an expedition to antarctica. it took weeks to get to the camp where we would resupply for our trek to the south pole. when i came home everyone asked what it was like, to demonstrate we made the dog sit in a bucket of ice water with green popsicles in it. then we watched videos of my trip.LCEhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06888569365725558511noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3576084836326133075.post-76284448411423116222009-05-05T09:16:00.002-04:002009-05-05T09:19:40.536-04:00a friend moved to portland. we talked on the phone for a long time about being sad, even though i hadn't been sad like she was sad for a long time. we also talked about riding bikes and stealing books from libraries. later that day i painted words in morse code on all the mailboxes in our neighborhood. when i went to work my boss asked me to show her how to embed a video on twitter.LCEhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06888569365725558511noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3576084836326133075.post-90090043065253518382009-04-28T09:14:00.002-04:002009-04-28T09:23:43.099-04:00i was fighting on the side of rebels in a nameless country. the war was in the cities, in the country it was very peaceful. in the country i sat by a lake and talked with my friends; we were all dressed like we'd just stepped out of <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;">the great gatsby</span>. in the city, i was holed up in a store, fighting against a group of soldiers on the second floor of an apartment building across the street. this was the end of the war, we weren't afraid of dying so much as we were afraid of becoming heroes.LCEhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06888569365725558511noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3576084836326133075.post-55406954729214210942009-04-21T10:07:00.002-04:002009-04-21T10:11:40.918-04:00godzilla was attacking the earth. i was hiding in a cabinet with a microwave, a baseball scorecard, and harry potter. we talked about magicking ourselves away but were afraid if the cabinet broke that we would be unable to get back. at some point we fell asleep. when we woke up a group of old ladies had set up easels and oil paints and were painting us as we slept on the broken pieces of the cabinet. they were less concerned about the godzilla attack than they interested in speculating what we had been doing in the cabinet.LCEhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06888569365725558511noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3576084836326133075.post-85923019312153395622009-02-15T11:39:00.002-05:002009-02-15T11:48:30.333-05:00i worked on a battleship that was docked in the Thames and had been converted to a laboratory. some of my co-workers and i decided to break in on the weekend and steal valuable stuff to spite our boss. we paid a kid in a batman suit to be our lookout. while we were gathering all the stuff we planned on taking (and then dumping in the ocean) we talked about rodgers and hammerstein musicals. one of the guys with us was dressed in footie pajamas, he said for safety.LCEhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06888569365725558511noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3576084836326133075.post-61807969002799570652009-02-10T09:38:00.002-05:002009-02-10T09:43:53.998-05:00my sister and i were driving around in a tank with two other people hunting large snakes. we forgot to bring a box. the first snake we caught, which was white and about three feet long, i had to hold in my lap. the snake bit my arm, but no one seemed particularly concerned despite the fact that they previously mentioned it was poisonous. we drove to a fast food place and the guy who was driving the tank went inside. i was standing in the parking lot waiting. i dropped the snake and a car ran over it. all that was left in an un-mushed state was the head. i picked that back up. the guy came back with a hot spoon, he said if i put in on the snake bite i would be okay. when everyone else saw the dead snake they became very upset with me and we drove back to the hotel. people were bungee jumping off the roof of the hotel using fire hoses.LCEhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06888569365725558511noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3576084836326133075.post-59256964074070817182009-02-07T11:07:00.002-05:002009-02-07T11:16:05.850-05:00my sister and i started a service that answered your email and telephone while you were alseep so that you weren't interrupted. we also were an anti zombie and alien invasion service. our first big job was to stop some shady characters from taking over a hockey game and holding everyone inside hostage. we each played goalie opposite sides. whenever we needed a weapon we would hold our hand in the "gun" shape and depending on the sound effect that we made, our hand would function as various guns.LCEhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06888569365725558511noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3576084836326133075.post-14005710237609371482009-02-04T08:49:00.002-05:002009-02-04T08:53:08.698-05:00i was researching new musicals for a theatrical agency. one of the videos was of people juggling styrofoam cups like soccer balls. another involved a woman dressed like a peacock singing about punctuation and proper MLA citation formats. another was a musical that had been written in german and the people translated it using Babelfish, so the book and lyrics made very little sense. i went with the peacock one.LCEhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06888569365725558511noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3576084836326133075.post-86137279710790904282009-02-03T08:41:00.003-05:002009-02-03T08:42:53.232-05:00my boss and i drove downtown to a big art gallery in a giant glass building. we gave a tour to a group of people. after every piece we looked at i had to survey everyone to find out what they liked and what they didn't. a guy i knew from high school kept asking me to get an apartment with him cause he couldn't afford the rent on his own. LCEhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06888569365725558511noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3576084836326133075.post-90976900825379854902009-01-28T11:15:00.002-05:002009-01-28T11:20:10.509-05:00i worked in a pharmacy. everyday a lady would come in and take a picture of the store for a newspaper she was printing in her basement. after work i would go to the IKEA, which was set up in a series of tunnels, and buy things from the clearance section. The IKEA also connected to a grocery store and a high school. for exercise i would jog through the tunnels. later, back at my sister's apartment, we were talking about vampire movies. my mom showed up and said my sister owed her 34 cents, she also told me to call her next time i went to work.LCEhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06888569365725558511noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3576084836326133075.post-57167737930550237352009-01-26T10:26:00.001-05:002009-01-26T10:42:07.230-05:00when gasoline was no longer publicly available, everyone used a camel to get around. my camel was named Mugen and in the winters he lived in the hallway of my apartment building. he loved coleslaw.LCEhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06888569365725558511noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3576084836326133075.post-59220661833467911022009-01-25T10:59:00.002-05:002009-01-25T11:07:06.534-05:00#1: they built a small planet to orbit the earth. it was made entirely of padded foam. people could sign up to go there and contend in a big fight with everyone else who signed up. it was to be televised on earth.<div><br /></div><div>#2: the Bluth family (<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;">Arrested Development</span>) was hosting a golf tournament at a hotel near my house. i got a job as a page. everyone staying in the hotel was someone i knew. each of them had a problem and i had to help them solve it. there never was any golf playing, but i did sit on the top of a waterslide with James Franco and talk about water quality. our jeans got wet and our shoes filled up with water.</div>LCEhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06888569365725558511noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3576084836326133075.post-42027956392139848722009-01-24T10:20:00.001-05:002009-01-24T10:22:57.261-05:00the world ran out of yellow. people were using old things that still were yellow, like paint and pictures in magazines, to make new things yellow.LCEhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06888569365725558511noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3576084836326133075.post-60072190617363618582009-01-23T09:16:00.002-05:002009-01-23T09:20:16.314-05:00i was working undercover, roommating with this woman and trying to get her to admit to a great many crimes she had committed. we lived in a fake apartment, the outside was simply a scale model of a hotel and a parking lot, but somehow the woman didn't realize it. she kept trying to convince me to play sports or join a club. i tried to talk to her about man with a tree for a head because that was supposedly the key to her crimes.LCEhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06888569365725558511noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3576084836326133075.post-86364706433581408652009-01-22T08:50:00.002-05:002009-01-22T08:52:39.721-05:00an old lady was driving around on errands. at a stoplight she makes eye contact with an old man and they realize they love each other. she follows the old man back to his apartment. they drink listerine with a straw from martini glasses and watch reruns of "I Love Lucy." they keep lists of all the things that can kill you, organized by state. they are very happy.LCEhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06888569365725558511noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3576084836326133075.post-778284095147162232009-01-21T09:06:00.002-05:002009-01-21T09:11:01.507-05:00i was at a friend's house and her obnoxious boyfriend showed up. he was on his school's fencing team and we had an impromptu match using a stick and the branch of a christmas tree. i won, and all i know about fencing learned from Errol Flynn movies. he stood in the snow and smoked two cigarettes at once.LCEhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06888569365725558511noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3576084836326133075.post-27520360945693343282009-01-19T08:50:00.002-05:002009-01-19T08:53:34.752-05:00in the sky was a giant, rotating tylenol PM. just looking at it made you sleepy, but no one ever complained of being tired any longer.LCEhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06888569365725558511noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3576084836326133075.post-89282396926134181942009-01-18T10:45:00.002-05:002009-01-18T10:52:01.231-05:00my family moved into a big house with several staircases and a disjointed downstairs with two basement levels. in the back of the house was a private pub. when you walked outside it was like a video game. arrows would point in the directions that you could go. every building you couldn't go into was sort of a vaguely defined box shape. the big attraction in town was the "Mexican Bath House," which was done up to look like the southwest of the 1880s, but inside was just a regular spa kind of place.LCEhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06888569365725558511noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3576084836326133075.post-63115655716595758912009-01-17T10:40:00.002-05:002009-01-17T10:46:14.312-05:00a baby was being passed around at a party as a game where you had to describe how it smelled. the person who lost had to climb down the fire escape and buy everyone a fish sandwich. then we watched <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;">9 to 5</span> and read Walt Whitman's <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;">Leaves of Grass</span>. we decided to form a club, dues were to be paid in the foreign currency you always bring home with you from abroad because you just couldn't spend every last penny at the airport like you hoped.LCEhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06888569365725558511noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3576084836326133075.post-63568465691274133542009-01-16T09:08:00.002-05:002009-01-16T09:12:16.902-05:00i was going around to everyone at work and making them smell my hair because i used a new conditioner. then my boss wanted me to make a list of every word i know and send it to the chair of the department. everyone was wearing nametags that declared they were the best in the world at something very specific.LCEhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06888569365725558511noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3576084836326133075.post-75882610337264948822009-01-14T09:09:00.002-05:002009-01-14T09:16:38.837-05:00as i was packing for a big trip, Andy Warhol and a big fat lady came into my room and started taking things out of my suitcase and talking about them. they spoke into a tape recorder. after they had taken everything out, the lady told a story about how her cousin won an academy award and he every month he mailed it to a different relative so they could put it on their mantle. then she complained about the snow; it was summer.LCEhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06888569365725558511noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3576084836326133075.post-22251441794747304762009-01-12T09:52:00.002-05:002009-01-12T10:10:26.450-05:00i was in a big reception hall waiting for everyone to leave because i wanted to watch a dvd on the big projector they had. a cousin kept coming up to me and hugging me. i never did watch my movie. the next day i was meeting my sister at a place for lunch and that same cousin came out from between the cars in the parking lot and gave me another hug. inside, the lunch place was very busy and we had to sit in a booth with some other people. a very short person of Tom Thumb proportions was seated with us. she kept getting lost in our food, several times we feared she was dead, smashed by a utensil or something.LCEhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06888569365725558511noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3576084836326133075.post-19000211979965303262009-01-11T09:40:00.003-05:002009-01-11T09:56:26.020-05:00everyone i ever knew gathered at a house in suburbia to take part in an investigation, a very CSI meets MI-5 investigation. we have video of a man being shaken in a big tube, but that's all we have. we break up into teams. eventually, we find an old warehouse that matches the video. the warehouse is filled with ladders and giant barrels. we put out an APB for Donkey Kong. the police catch him coming out of a back room poker game. our team celebrates in a big hot tub in the middle of someone's living room.LCEhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06888569365725558511noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3576084836326133075.post-49289266626961892692009-01-10T10:04:00.002-05:002009-01-10T10:08:28.184-05:00at a theme park they drained all the fountains of water and started pumping oxygen through them. they encouraged everyone to go stand in the new fountains because it was holistic. the fountains were packed full and no one was on the rides. people dressed like stereotypical pilgrims were trying to entice people to ride the rides by offering them cheesecake.LCEhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06888569365725558511noreply@blogger.com2